Don't worry I still have a heart and it appears to be ticking quite well.
This past Friday marked the beginning of a dangerous and somewhat sadistic recreational activity we in the LDS community affectionally call "Church Basketball."
Why I continue to submit myself to the beast remains to be seen. Why does the mouse continue to go after the cheese even after being shocked multiple times? Some questions are better left unanswered.
Now any of you who truly know the men of the Carlson family know that when we get involved in something we are either 100% committed, or really don't care. Church basketball is no exception.
So on Friday I decided that I needed to get a little practice in before the game later that night. Please keep in mind that prior to this workout I had spent the last 6 months basically sitting in front of the computer doing my job. Anyone who works in technology can testify to the fact that it's not an industry that's conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Okay I'm just making excuses, the truth is I'm just flat out of shape.
A sane individual would slowly get back into the swing of things by instituting a controlled workout regiment, but we need not discuss my sanity in this post. Needless to say, I figure the harder you work out the quicker you can get back in shape. That seemed to work well in my early 20s, but I'm staring the big 3-0 in the face and he apparently disagrees.
After a 1 1/2 hour workout I was hurting! You would have thought I just finished the Boston marathon, the sad reality is I ran up and down the court and took a few shots. Pathetic! Like that was going to stand in the way of my Jordan-like abilities. At least that's what my mind kept telling me and I believed it.
Hey, is that cheese?
I went to the game and my legs were hurting. If you were my height and walked on longs sticks you'd be hurting too. I then played the game and my legs hurt even worse, however we did win so it was a bittersweet pain. Then I did the unthinkable.
Ow! That hurt why did you shock me!
Hey, is that cheese?
The next ward was short a player and asked if anyone would stick around. I'm an Elder's Quorum President, it's my responsibility to provide Christ-like service at a moments notice so of course I played.
Things seemed to be going pretty well until the last ten minutes of the game. One of the most interesting things I've found as I get older is sometimes the mind wants to do things that the body just won't. Surprisingly I wasn't winded at all, but my legs were killing me! With a little under two minutes to go I went up for a jump shot and that's when my body decided to shut down.
I don't know why they call it a "Charlie Horse," but I do know that they hurt like (insert you favorite expletive here)! This also marked a first for me, not of getting a charlie horse in my calf, but of getting one in both calves at the same time.
I did what any grown man would do in that situation and grabbed my legs while screaming like a baby. It took 7 minutes for them go away. I tried to stand to walk off the court, but the body objected and so I was carried off. Finally with the help of the mysterious asian power of Tiger Balm I was able to walk around.
Everything seemed like it was going to be fine following this incident, that is until the next morning. The only way to accurately describe the stiffness of my legs and their accompanying walk is tell you to go watch "The Wizard of OZ."
Just call me the tin man...... maybe the scarecrow is more accurate.