Blog Archive


Just Call Me The Tin Man

Don't worry I still have a heart and it appears to be ticking quite well.

This past Friday marked the beginning of a dangerous and somewhat sadistic recreational activity we in the LDS community affectionally call "Church Basketball."

Why I continue to submit myself to the beast remains to be seen. Why does the mouse continue to go after the cheese even after being shocked multiple times? Some questions are better left unanswered.

Now any of you who truly know the men of the Carlson family know that when we get involved in something we are either 100% committed, or really don't care. Church basketball is no exception.

So on Friday I decided that I needed to get a little practice in before the game later that night. Please keep in mind that prior to this workout I had spent the last 6 months basically sitting in front of the computer doing my job. Anyone who works in technology can testify to the fact that it's not an industry that's conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Okay I'm just making excuses, the truth is I'm just flat out of shape.

A sane individual would slowly get back into the swing of things by instituting a controlled workout regiment, but we need not discuss my sanity in this post. Needless to say, I figure the harder you work out the quicker you can get back in shape. That seemed to work well in my early 20s, but I'm staring the big 3-0 in the face and he apparently disagrees.

After a 1 1/2 hour workout I was hurting! You would have thought I just finished the Boston marathon, the sad reality is I ran up and down the court and took a few shots. Pathetic! Like that was going to stand in the way of my Jordan-like abilities. At least that's what my mind kept telling me and I believed it.

Hey, is that cheese?

I went to the game and my legs were hurting. If you were my height and walked on longs sticks you'd be hurting too. I then played the game and my legs hurt even worse, however we did win so it was a bittersweet pain. Then I did the unthinkable.

Ow! That hurt why did you shock me! 

Hey, is that cheese?

The next ward was short a player and asked if anyone would stick around. I'm an Elder's Quorum President, it's my responsibility to provide Christ-like service at a moments notice so of course I played.

Things seemed to be going pretty well until the last ten minutes of the game. One of the most interesting things I've found as I get older is sometimes the mind wants to do things that the body just won't. Surprisingly I wasn't winded at all, but my legs were killing me! With a little under two minutes to go I went up for a jump shot and that's when my body decided to shut down.

I don't know why they call it a "Charlie Horse," but I do know that they hurt like (insert you favorite expletive here)! This also marked a first for me, not of getting a charlie horse in my calf, but of getting one in both calves at the same time. 

I did what any grown man would do in that situation and grabbed my legs while screaming like a baby. It took 7 minutes for them go away. I tried to stand to walk off the court, but the body objected and so I was carried off. Finally with the help of the mysterious asian power of Tiger Balm I was able to walk around.

Everything seemed like it was going to be fine following this incident, that is until the next morning. The only way to accurately describe the stiffness of my legs and their accompanying walk is tell you to go watch "The Wizard of OZ."

Just call me the tin man...... maybe the scarecrow is more accurate.


Kernal Ken said...

Well, you're certainly not the LION - too much courage for that...

Probably not the Tin man either, because you've shown plenty of heart.

The scarecrow comes to mind - "if I only had a brain..."

However, I vote for you as one of those weird monkeys, flying around in big circles and off to capture Dorothy.

At any rate, you're not in Kansas anymore, but you're close.

Remember, legs are important. Ha!

Spymommy said...

You are actually the Wizard - remember, he's the one who impresses everyone with his big man attitude but turns out to be the little guy behind the curtain who doesn't play the game right at all. :) I will have to enroll you in the Travis Lee School of Pain so you can carry your load better next time, look 30 in the face laughing and head on out to 40 while never looking back . . .and still play with a broken nose and sprained ankle.

starz916 said...

Sounds like what happened to me the first time going back to the gym taking a 60min spin class. It was hard to climb the 5 flights of stairs to work the next day! Not as Christ-like though. I'm going to go with Samantha on this one!

Jenn said...

Yeah, I did lunges around my house for an entire day and couldn't walk for about two days after. And I always get REALLY bad leg cramps when I am pregnant. I think it has something to do with not enough calcium, or...I don't know. But good luck with that lactic acid build up, I know it can hurt for days.

Tobi Wilkinson said...

I think you went into fifth gear but your body was only ready for idle. Try a hair of the dog you bit today to ease some of the soreness. A little stretching and some light walking will do wonders for you Tin Man.

Mona said...

You could always be the Wicked Witch of the East who gets knocked out by Dorothy's house in the beginning of the movie.

But the real question is...has this experience served as a motivator to continue the physical exertion or a total turnoff?

The Queen Vee said...

Only two thoughts....

1. Testosterone

2. Basketball is not a celestial sport

The Carlsons said...

Haa!Haa! Funny story. I can totally go with you on the leg cramp/spasm. It happened to me on the 2nd loop of a very hilly 50 miler I did last year. I had not trained for 50 miles but after the first 25 were such a breeze I tried again. Legs stopped going uphill, needless to say I fell over.

As for church basketball I think it should be banned. I will not expound any further!

Matt-you rock! Get off your butt and keep going!

Sue said...

I'm totally laughing because my husband swears that the year between age 29 and 30 is when it all started going south for him in the body department. Every time he rides his bike or does any physical activity now he just shakes his head and says, "Man, I used to be able to do XYZ for hours without getting tired. Now I'm dying after 30 minutes."

Thankfully, his knees and back have gotten just bad enough to keep him from playing church basketball anymore. I'm with Queenie on this one!